I feel like my whole world has just cracked in half...

This morning was one of the most difficult times in my life.

I lost...

My Sweet Bageira.

Sadly, this comes one month after my other baby, Petey, disappeared. 

No more greeting me at the door, no more sleeping by my side, no more making me smile just by existing. 

This is excruciating.

 I know that I will get through this and things will eventually become routine again, it will just take time to adjust to them not being around.

It seems silly to most people that I could feel this heartbroken over a couple of cats.  But most people have someone who means something to them, whether that be a spouse or a child.  I do not have these.  My pets are my only companions.  For me, losing one of them is like losing a child.

I'm writing this blog post because I want people to understand that love is love and pain is pain.  Whether it be for another person or for a cat.  NEVER diminish someone Else's pain and NEVER underestimate their love for something.  Be kind to people when they are in need, even if you don't understand their sadness.  Be kind to people in general because you never know what that person is going through.

 Be kind to people simply because its the right thing to do.

Accountability

Today is the day that I make a change for myself.  Putting it out in the world will help hold me accountable. 

Here are a list of reasons why this change has to happen.  Some of them are funny, and its OK to laugh, but they are ALL 100% REAL things that I live with on a daily basis.   Not only will it help me stay motivated, but help the "Ideal Sizers" understand what its really like for the average fat girl.  And hey, maybe it can help someone else get motivated too.

#1:  I'm tired of being unhealthy.

#2:  I'm tired of my feet aching from carrying my weight from point A (usually the refrigerator) to point B (the couch or computer).

#3:  I'm tired of having to drive all over town to find clothing stores who carry my size just to look in the mirror and be disgusted with how ALL clothes look on me.

#4:  I'm tired of being afraid to sit in lawn chairs, porch swings and other "light and airy" seating.

#5:  I'm tired of feeling like I stick out in a crowd.

#6:  I'm tired of feeling like I shouldn't be somewhere because of my size.

#7:  I'm tired of being told I am pretty, but should lose some weight.

#8:  I'm tired of sending every romantic relationship on a death trip due to my own insecurities.

#9:  I'm tired of telling myself, "If I were thin, I could do that".

#10:  I'm tired of not being able to catch my breath and only making it worse when I try to slow my breathing because someone can hear just how unhealthy I am.

#11:  I'm tired of not being able to get comfortable because my "rolls" are in the way.

#12:  I'm tired of inadvertently knocking things off of the table with my butt.

#13:  I'm tired of having to adjust my clothes before I sit so that they don't get caught in any weird places.

#14:  I'm tired of living with the impending doom of developing Diabetes.

#15:  I'm tired of the word "OBESE".

#16:  I'm tired of not feeling proud of myself, despite what task I accomplish.

#17:  I'm tired of my double chin getting sunburned.

#18:  I'm tired of holding a jealous, ravenous, secret hatred toward anyone who is a size 12 or lower.

#19:  I'm tired of feeling that I'm not good enough to enjoy life, love, family and friendship.

#20:  I'm tired of making excuses.

And those are just a few reasons...

So today, I will start to turn things around.  I'm going grocery shopping in a bit and have already made out my list.

(Skinny Cow Ice Cream for my unyielding sweet tooth...)

My dad and I are going to start walking together, instead of just eating together.  Ive already purchased some Nike shoes for this task, now its just a matter of syncing our schedules and getting started.

And I will return to the MMA gym that I used to enjoy so much and felt so good about being a part of.

WISH ME LUCK!!!

Art, Soap and an "Evil" Genius...

Hello All!!!

I know, Ive been MIA for a few weeks, but Ive had a lot going on.  My Best Friend is going to have a baby any day, and Ive got EIGHT OTHER FRIENDS who are pregnant right now!!!  Whew! I'm going broke from buying baby gifts!

So what else have I been up to, other than shopping for gifts, making decorations for showers and being an all round awesome friend???

ART!!!

Ive been taking my dog swimming and to play with other dogs, when weather permits, of course.

I made my own soap! AND I LOVE THEM!!!

 Lavender

Orange Eucalyptus

I finally got my new camera in, so from now on you will actually be able to see what I'm doing in my art videos!

Watch my newest Art Journal video here!

Ive also been planning a vacation.  I'm going to Dallas in a few days to visit my wonderful Mother!  I also plan to pick up some new art supplies - I'm hoping that I can get a better deal and/or variety than what I can get here.  

And here is my favorite news of all:  I will be returning to Dallas on May 10th because I have tickets to see one of my favorite bands!  I know when I tell you who, you will think:  EWW, Why them???  But no matter what you think of Marilyn Manson, no matter if you agree or disagree with his views, that man is an artist.  

He is very "different", but I think as an artist, that is what attracts me to him.  I love his music, and always have - even the "bad" albums, but he is so multi talented.  Did you know that he is also a watercolor/mixed media artist?

Painting of his pet cat, Lilly White 

See more of Manson's Art here!

Manson Quotes about Art:

"I like to paint and represent myself as an artist; I don't think you can be an artist and put things into the world unless you believe there's something worthwhile in the world"

MARILYN MANSON 

"I wasn't intending for any of these pieces to be for anybody but myself or the friends that I did portraits of and would give as gifts. I never intended to show them, much less sell them, until several years of paintings built up. And when people would come to my house, they would urge me to show people my art.

So I took the step and I did it, and I've been quite proud of and surprised by the support and interest, especially from younger fans who may not have gotten into art at such an early age. Maybe this will encourage them to take a look at other things."
MARILYN MANSON

"It's another important step for me to not be afraid of what I've created. If you create something, you really have to stand behind it"

MARILYN MANSON

I cant wait until I am in the same room with such a gem of creativity!  What I wouldn't give to pick his brain!

OK, enough of my gushing!  I will try to get some video while I'm on vacation.  

Thanks so much for sticking with me!!!  Your support keeps me going!  :)

Pretty Little Prompts #3 - April Inspiration

This months prompt is going to be a little... different.  

Louisiana has had a crazy amount of rain so far this year.  With all the dreariness and general stresses of life, inspiration can be hard to come by.  How do you fix this, you ask?

With an INSPIRATION BOARD, of course!!!

Objective:  Create an Inspiration Board using photos that you like, beads, your own works and whatever else moves you.

Rules:  There are none!  Its your board - GO CRAZY!

E-mail a picture of your board to weehourartbypaula@yahoo.com, with permission for me to share and Ill add it to this blog entry - I will not use it in any other way.

Here are some photos of mine!

I cant wait to see what you create!